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Meade explosion

Well it once again has been MONTHS since I have posted on here. It seems like if I am keeping a journal..which is a requirement of my tyrannical teacher >wink<, then I have no interest in posting on here. So whats new.

BTW - is only days away. I am so excited about returning to Wisteria and even more excited about seeing all of the great gents that are there. I still dread the 11 or so hour drive to Ohio but once I am there all is well and the trip forgotten. I think that it is funny that I was SO afraid of going the first year and I still get minor butterflies now ..I have met some of the most amazing men at BTW. Given my past and my heterophobia (of str8 men) forming any kind of bond with men is a huge thing for me. I tend to stay with the Ladies. I feel more in tune and safer. I would have never thought that I would survive a week with nothing but guys around. What makes it even better is that there is really no bitchiness. Atl east in that vicious club kind of way. I have formed some very meaningful bonds and BTW even helped me gain the courage to take W1.

Meade - It seems that some of the Meade that I made has decide to be sparkling and some has decided that it doesnt want to stay corked. We have now had 2 bottles explode all over the kitchen and one I opened because it was close to opening itself today. I really need to rack it better next time. I know it is because there was still a little yeast remaining in the bottles.

Vacation - I just got back from Cancun!! I had a great time. The ocean was gorgeous and I walked the shore 2 days singing to Yemaya and spent some time meditating with the Ocean crashing against the rocky coast in front of me. An odd occurrence was that I had very VERY vivid dreams two nights in a row that a person (Woman) was standing over my bed. She had a bone white face and long stringy almost wet hair. The first evening I walk up and swung at her. The second night I woke my roommates up because I screamed. I the image was remarkably realistic.
On another note I talked to Eva about this odd guilt that I have about going on vacation. Is it strange that I feel bad that I get to go to Cancun and I know so many other people who arent able to take any vacations at all. I think about people I work with who have lost there second or even there primary jobs. Others who have been out of work for months and months and worry about paying bills and I get to shoot tequila in a pool by the sea. What does it say about me? BLAH

Work - Easily summed up by saying it is crazy. Now that we take EBT/Food Stamps things are nuts. We have members who have to put back complete carriages of food because they cant seem to add. I really dont know what someone needs 800 dollars a month in food stamps for. I am a rather liberal person but I have had some serious issues with what I see coming through our stores now. We are down 3 Managers and my schedule sucks ass.
Ya well I think I have typed enough for this check in and I have a Full Moon Meditation to take care off.

Dont know the title..

My roomates are watching fucked up movie. It is about the lives of several immigrants in the US. An Aussie women who is forced into prostitution in order to get a green card. An Male Aussie musician who has a contact that falsifies work documents to keep him in the country and pretends to be a Rabi. A Latina women who is deported because she was in the country illegally and who leaves her child behind. A Muslim Family who is daughter is killed by an Immigrations Officer. What has me the most distraught is a child who rights an essay on 911 and because of her opinion and her stating that she can understand what the terrorists are looking to be heard she is ridiculed by her classmates and even worse made to leave the country because they believe her to be a terrorist. My roomate Shane thinks that this is okay. That she doesnt have the right to free speech because she is not a citizen. That an essay such as this is the beginning of terrorism. First she is a child. Second how does that make us any better then the other people we condemn for not allowing there people the right to say these things. Why is it that we kill for the rights that we so easily take away from other people because of a teenagers essay. She didnt say that they should have killed all those people. She didnt say that the innocent people deserved what they got just that she understands how they could have gotten to that point. So "we" rush in imprison the child and deport her family.

Fear itself..

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself" A quote that I think everyone has heard before. I find that most of my greatest struggles in life have been a result of my own fear. To this day I allow my own fears to limit me far far to often. This is not to say that I dont take steps to face my own fears but I still seem to allow them to get the better of me. The most resent struggle that I am having is with a a "class" I am taking. For those who dont know I have had the great opportunity to take Witchcraft 1 with Christopher Penczak and out of all of the excercise that we have had the thing that interferes with my studies the most is FEAR. First it was fear of Christpher himself. I have met him he is a kind person and very excepting but my own insecuritys have manifested as fear and self doubt. What if he doesnt like me? What if he doesnt think I have the skill, ability or drive to be a part of his teachings? Next it was what if the people in the classs dont like me? Some of those questions have been answers but I am still riddled with more questions each time. What if what I experienced is all in my head? What if I dont get any results from this excercise? Most of these questions relate to my issues with self worth. I find that they increase with my recent weight gain. So what is the next step? People have told me to use affirmations and even to do some shadow work. I think I will have to try to stick it out with affirmations alittle longer. I find that when I do them I kind of scoff and dont believe what I am saying. As for Shadow work, it is my understanding that you dont start this work until you are ready seriously deal with the many issues that arise. It isnt work for the light hearted. So I need the baby steps version.


Had to take a hot minute to scream!! I GOT TO MEET NINA FLOWER LAST NIGHT!! That and see here preform. She called me beautiful, lol. I know, I know she says that to all the Gurhlz, and boys and girls..but I A KISS ON THE CHEEK FROM NINA FLOWERS LOCA!!

Bye now, off to work.

A tale in 2 parts.

I really should be going to bed but....

As of late I seem to be nudged in the area of Service and Priesthood. For those who know me in my outward life..the one of the 9-5 you might not expect this but... From the age of like 8 I have imagined what it would be like to be a Priest. Admittedly not the cloistered Priest of the Christian Church but one that serves the Gods..or God none the less. I have thought about what it would be like to live a life in quite meditation. Away from the world at of cars ,smog and 2 a.m. alarm calls. One that allows me to spend hours walking among the Green World. The place were I see or better yet feel the deepest connection with the Divine. A life that permits me to weave spell or pray to help and heal those that come to me and lately I seem to be drawing cards in lots of random places that seem to tell me this is were I need to be. What I need to be doing..How do I integrate it into my life know? How do I pay rent, electric, water, insurance and still serve the Gods the way I feel I should be?
How do I make space and time to build my Inner Temple, strengthen my Witch Fire and still work or be able to do the things I need to do? That seems to be the question over the last 3 months...any suggestions?

Full Moon:
This passing Full Moon I took my usually time out to do a meditation that specifically related to the Full Moon in all her beauty and it was a good meditation. Over the past few months as part of an Apprenticeship I have been participating in I have had the assignment to do extended meditations during times of Power. Holy days...Full Moons...Dark Moons... Equinox and Solstice. The last few Full Moon Meditations I have found that I have been rather distracted. I have had to assign a task to my Inner voice over the time spent to chant the word Luna over and over in order to concentrate on the meditation. This time things went smoother. I counted down into my meditative state and immediately saw the Moon full in the dark sky before me. Yellowy white, glowing and floating in a dark violet sky. Her light shown down on a patch of Earth that was Circular in shape and when I watch for a bit the "Dancing Lady" appeared before me. She glided from side to side across the Circle. Dancing to a music that I could not hear. She spun and twirled as graceful as a leaf in the wind. Behind her I felt a steady beat. Not a beat of drums or bass but almost that of the heart beating in my chest. As I focused on the beat I saw an older women appear at the edge of the Circle draped in all black. Robed she also danced. Her dance was more primal. Her feet rising and falling on the ground echoing the beat of my heart. You could feel the power in each step. Dark Mother...tapping out the passage of time with her soles. She seemed to be beyond it, yet guiding it. After my eyes moved from White Lady to Black I slowly began to take notice of a 3rd Women in my presence. She was clad from head to toe in Robes of red. Scarlet and vibrating she also joined the dance between the to. Her moves as graceful as the Dancing Ladies but more precise. As thought out and intentional as the Lady in Black but more fluid and a bit less collected. I watched them weave and flow intertwining and gliding for what seemed like hours. Not a word Spoken. No sound made. Only the dance, simple and true. The beat of my heart leading the steps or being led.

I guess I am average?!?!

My Kink Spectrum Results are in and I am Grrreeennn!!

Your result for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test...

Green (530 nm)

You scored 43% self-confidence and 38% bandwidth!

Not bad! You're probably not willing to try everything, but you have quite a few kinks. Or you strongly prefer one side of the fence. Look for another Green, or a Blue if you feel adventurous. Reds may be okay as well if they share one or two of your likings (see below). But stay away from Ultraviolets unless you want to radically spice up your sex life. You've been warned.

But I promised you a more detailed analysis, so here it is. Note that most scales are twofold: There are separate values for giving (active) and receiving (passive). If you scored high on one of them, you should look for a partner who scored high on the other. If you scored high on both of them, go for someone who is similar (or for multiple partners if you're into that). If you scored low on both, this probably is not your kind of kink.

You scored 72% giving and 23% receiving on oral.

You scored 67% giving and 70% receiving on anal.

You scored 31% giving and 0% receiving on bondage.

You scored 26% giving and 33% receiving on humiliation.

You scored 33% giving and 30% receiving on pain.

You scored 21% dominance and 33% submission.

You scored 42% voyeurism and 10% exhibitionism.

Besides that, you're 19% into fetishism and 36% polysexual (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You'll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 28% on autoerotic - a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It's not exactly a matching criterion, but it's good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

Take The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test
at HelloQuizzy

My Babies

I say fuck the Octomommie...I have 105 babies on the way. *fingers crossed* I got more seeds in today!!!!

So know I am growing :

Lemon Balm
Lettuce - Mix
St. John's Wart
Sunflowers 3 kinds

==>  Valerian

I think I remembered them all.
I am rather excited. I think I have started late again but I am hoping for the best. I talk to them and Reiki them and water them. I love them...lol
Thats all. Had to share!!


I have had so much going on lately. I got to spend an amazing week in Columbus with a great bunch of guys. The only regret there is that I didnt get to see every one I wanted to, but It was only 5 days. Columbus was gorgeous. To be honest if the economy was better and the nearest BJ's wasnt all the way in Akron I would consider moving to the area. Well that and those that I consider family have made a life in CT and I dont think I could leave them with out a part of me feeling empty. Russel, John and Gregory were amazing hosts. I felt right at home. At no point in the hole trip did I feel out of place. I do think that I may have interfered a bit with there love lives but ... The trip was great. I will have to post more later. The real reason that I posted was because I started a new MySpace page today specifically for Roxy. It will only have photos of me as Roxy. I think that is important for me to cultivate this persona. RuPaul's Drag Race is having a second season and I have considered entering myself in the race. I realistically know that I am not the best Queen out there but I think it is good for me to atleast try. So with that being said...look for me on MySpace and maybe in the future vote for me on Ru's page...

a.k.a. Roxy Codone


What Greek Goddess are you?

You are Athena!
You are Athena!
Born from the head of Zeus himself, this goddess is the most respected and capable of all the goddesses. Like this goddess of defensive warfare, crafts and wisdom, you are courageous as a warrior, cunning as a fox, and wise beyond your years. You do not try to be a leader, but you are one merely because you have the raw material that renders admiration and followers. Though you may not know it...you have the world at your feet. But since you are wise, you will not allow this newfound knowledge to go to your head.
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

The trip thus far...

Friday -  I arrived arround 1:30 - 2pm. Car rides was long and my knee was killing by the end. I got to decompress for a bit while I waited for Gregory and Leon to get back from lunch. The three of us spent the next few hours just hanging out at the apartment and joking. Leon and Gregory had a lot to talk about in the Computer world ...I sat and nodded.  I was soo out of it.
That night we shopped picked up groceries and played this very very ...did I say VERY complicated game called Settlers of Catan. It made my head hurt and but I won. The victory was really Russel's.

Saturday -  Evening was Tradewinds great club. We ran into Quill and Mickey I was rather surprised. I had a blast dancing and chatting. One doesnt expect to be asked about the Magickal Correspondences related to Glass in the middle of a Leather store at a Gay Bar. I sadly only got hit on by a 150 year old man but in the end the evening was fun. 

Sunday- Lots of and lots of walking, shopping, and HOTT HOTT guys. I am dont know were columbus got all the gay but I am not complaing a single bit. I had run out of saliva half an hour after walking arround. Luckily we found a Smoothie shop who servings were in jugs. I almost died when Gregory ordered Mediums and the handed them a bucket of Smoothie. The evening was  a wonderful Ham dinner and a movie. "What the bleed do we know?" I think I got the title right. Now, if you have never heard of Quantum Science or are not a person who lives a magickal life I would say that this movie will seriously fuck with your head. Even the 4 of us had a few Eureka moments. I would recommend a glass of wine with the movie in order to not spin out of control. 

Monday - Not over yet. I have dont absolutely nada. Drove John to work and am sitting on my ass vegging. I wanted to go to Ikea but it is practically a state way. Grrrr. 

With all of that being said  I still have lots to do. More peeps to get in touch with and I shall say ta ta for now. Call me if you wanna do something...